TVFP continues to expand its coverage of local, national and
world events. Now we are able to offer you the perspective of an intergalactic raconteur. We would like to welcome Mr. Unpronounceable Name from the Planet
Unpronounceable Name as our new Intergalactic Lifestyle correspondent.
Mr Un currently resides in a distant quadrant which may or
may not be the French Quarter of New Orleans. He is a frequent visitor to
habitable planets in our little neck of the universe. He is ET at large for
the Unpronounceable Name News Service, the UNS. He contributes travel, food and
lifestyle columns. He is in earth terms about three thousand years old. He is
humanoid in form, about six centimetres in height, white as Wonder Bread with black hair and black eyes.
TVFP posed several questions to our new and esteemed
contributor:
TVFP: Best restaurant in Parkdale?
MrUn: Bacchus
without a doubt. The vegetarian roti is heavenly.
TVFP: Heavenly, what does that mean to you?
MrUn: Nothing
really. I pick up the lingo.
TVFP: Meaning there is no God.
MrUn: No,
not in this universe.
TVFP: Are
you saying there is another reality where there is a God and a Heaven?
MrUn: Sort
of. I’m saying all your SciFi writers have pretty much got it right. You know
warp
drive, folding space, weird looking creatures, phasers on stun, it’s all out
there.
TVFP How do
you get around?
MrUn My
slingshot.
TVFP
Seriously.
MrUn Yes.
TVFP: What
do you do to relax?
MrUn: I call it Cockroach Safari. I hang out in Chinatown or a similar place. I get a needle, crawl
through
a mouse hole and you know, hunt cockroaches.
Me against them. Keeps me
young. Protein is
nice too, a little soy sauce.
TVFP: Do
you have any advice for aspiring lifestyle writers.
MrUn Yes.
Editors are the scum of the universe. Believe in yourself and do your
Homework. For instance Truffade*.
TVFP We’ve
never heard of it.
MrUn It’s
the original poutine. The recipe is from Auvergne region of France. That is an
an area on the Lot River between Lyon and Toulouse. I reproduce it here
for four.
1 kg potatoes
30 g unsalted butter
3 tbs oil
large pinch of salt
freshly ground pepper
150g Tomme fraiche de Cantal
cheese, cut into thin slices
150g young Cantal cheese, cut
into thin slices
2tbs parsely, finely chopped
for garnish
3 large cloves of garlic
And basically you dice the taters, fry them and add the cheese. Just be
careful not
to burn the garlic. Voila.
TVFP Do you
have any insights on the future of the earth?
MrUn Yes.
Humanity will survive, located in mostly in cool regions such as
northern Canada and
Scandinavia. The outlook isn’t pretty, as you can imagine. But there it is. Nothing do be
Scandinavia. The outlook isn’t pretty, as you can imagine. But there it is. Nothing do be
done, except of course to manage, as best you
can, the rather vicious but unavoidable
business of downsizing from around 14 billion to say a 100 million give or take.
business of downsizing from around 14 billion to say a 100 million give or take.
TVFP Is there truly nothing to be done?
MrUn Other worlds have managed it using technology and cooperation, but really I don't think
that's in the cards for Earth. Do you?
TVFP We like to think there's hope.
MrUn Ah, well, you could put up an awning. It's been done but you would still have to reduce,
almost immediately, greenhouse emissions to pre-19th century levels.
TVFP Will you be covering our demise?
MrUn I think
not. It’s rather a common occurrence around the various universes. There are a lot of
tribal carnivores out there.
TVFP No
hope, then?
MrUn Well
you will still exist as a species. Two hundred two hundred and fifty thousand
years
down the road the CO2 levels get back to pre-industrial revolution levels
humanity
may stage a comeback. You have to admit, that’s not bad.
* The Truffade recipe from
Mourjou, The Life and Food of an Auvergne Village, by Peter Graham.
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