With the sudden and shocking resignation of the latest in a
long line of Christian champions of genocide, paedophilia and misogyny the
Church has an opportunity to begin the long and tortuous process of the self
criticism and healing. The Department of Religious Affairs and Other Weird
Stuff of The Parkdale Liberation Front as put together a short list of possible
replacements for the old fart:
1. The
Littlest Hobo: we readily admit that choosing another German for the papacy is
a long shot. However he is a shepherd and every flock needs an alert and courageous
protector otherwise you get eaten by the wolves, unless of course you are
already running with the wolves and then it’s sort of a culling process, you to
the left, you to the right. However the Littlest Hobo has some serious
credentials when it comes to saving people and ferreting out evil doers of
which we are sure are plentiful in supply within the walls of the Vatican.
Still a long shot.
2. Frodo
Baggins: this stout of heart hobbit took on Sauron the Dark Lord in a fight to
the death of good vs. evil. Despite having hairy feet this little fella might
just have the moxie needed to clean up centuries of papal self entitlement and
abuse. Even money.
3. Marg
Delahunty, Princess Warrior: admittedly a woman as pope strains credibility
when you consider that the papacy is a woman hating institution that has yet
to emerge from the Dark Ages. We admire the Princess’s irreverent sense of
humour. We believe that an institution that finds its jollies by burning people alive
at the stake might find Marg just the breath of fresh oxygen it needs. Of course we
need to be reminded that in the Middle Ages one of their Popes was a woman and when they found out she
was tied to a horse’s tail and dragged through the streets and stoned until she
was dead. Marg we think is a long, long shot.
This Hour Has 22 Minutes
4. Finally
there is everyone’s favourite giant, The Friendly Giant, currently retired. The
thing is being a giant he’d have plenty of weight to throw around when it came
to reigning in the trolls and neandrathals who currently run the church bureaucracy.
As well there are the various cabals within the church who along with the Queen
of England are intent on world domination. However The Friendly Giant isn't without allies. Rusty the chicken and Jerome the giraffe would pretty soon put things in order along the sin encrusted walls of the Vatican. A Five to One Favourite of
ours.
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