Sunday, October 21, 2012

The Parkdale Manifesto

The Parkdale Manifesto

(A work in progress)

Parkdale is a neighbourhood. This neighbourhood includes the poor and the wealthy, sane and the fit, the mentally and physically challenged. It includes a whole bunch of Tibetans and now it is home to a sizeable contingent of Roma. We have a methadone clinic in Parkdale that is quieter and more respectful of the neighbourhood than some of our restaurant / bars. The Parkdale Liberation Front’s definition of a neighbourhood is that it is inclusive. If you don’t like it you are welcome to stay.

Please move to the back of the streetcar, do not block the exits. Form a cue at bus and streetcar stops. Never, under any circumstances, fart in a bus, streetcar or subway train.

Please do not talk in a loud voice in public. Despite what you may think no one is interested in your miserable self centred life.

Hold open a door in a building for someone. Smile and say no rush, even if there is a rush. If you are in too much of a hurry to provide this simple courtesy you are either a bank robber or an asshole. When someone holds a door open for you, smile and say thank you.

When you encounter a stranger on the street smile and look them in the eye. Say hello or cheers and move on. The only thing you are selling, the only thing you are guilty of is the joy of the other. If cannot find the joy of the other you are seriously fucked up, par exemple, Monsieur le Maire, Rob Ford.

Please merge your vehicle in a controlled and dignified manner. Please do not cut in. Cutting in is symptomatic of a selfish personality, someone who might make a lot of money, or no money at all, someone who thinks that the world is all about me and who deep down inside is really an egregious  asshole. Merging into traffic is all about asking a favour. Allowing someone to merge is all about generosity. When you have successfully merged wave your hand in thanks.

Do not honk your horn unless it is life threatening. The Parkdale Liberation Front is currently working on a proposal that would see vehicles equipped with a hot wire that attaches to the genitalia of the driver. Upon the use of a horn except in the direst of circumstances, the driver’s genitalia would receive a severe electric shock. The car horn was not designed to be a servant of neurosis or alpha type assholes.

Share the freedom and joy of cycling by not riding your bicycle on the sidewalk. Share the awesomeness of cycling by wearing a helmet, belling when you pass another cyclist on the left. Use hand signals. Stop at all red lights. Glide carefully through stop signs. Transition slowly through pedestrian areas, walking speed is recommended.
Please pick up after your dog. People who do not pick up are beneath contempt, as worthy of our approbation as the bicycle thief. Well except for that guy in the Italian movie but that was about the predatory nature of Kapitalism.

No comments:

Post a Comment