Sunday, December 4, 2011

The Great White Mother Talks to Her Children

My dear children we have recently had tea with this Gitchee Manitou chap and he has been telling us all about these difficulties you have been having at somewhere called Attawapiskat. First of all we don't care for the name. We think, as a first order of business, that you need to come up with a new name for this place, something people can actually say with without sounding like their mouths are full of marbles. This habit of using unpronounceable Indian names just won't do. We suggest a name that promotes a positive attitude. Our suggestion is that you call it something light and friendly, like Happyville.

Now in that vein and moving forward there is nothing like a positive attitude to win the day over. Nothing beats a positive attitude.You can't go moping around, whining and complaining. People don't like to hear that sort of thing. It is much better to be bright and cheerful. A pleasant countenance will win you many more friends than a sullen frown, of that you can be well assured.

As you know from our previous Post drinking a little bit of your own urine every morning is the secret to a healthy complexion and a long life. We can't stress enough the efficacy of this practice. If you have trouble urinating in the morning it is quite alright to substitute the urine of a close relative or neighbour providing they are not Irish or Papists or both, as are most of those filthy sods.

Finally, my dear children, though things may look dark, remember every cloud has a silver lining. You should also thank the Lord your God that you are indeed not Irish, or at least so I am given to understand. There is no lower race on this earth than the Irish. Every man woman and child of them is a drunkard, a thief, a liar, and an idolater. They breed like rabbits. Kill one and before you can say Bob's your Uncle, three more pop up. Most disturbingly, they are unhygienic in the extreme. In short the Irish are a vile affront to all that is good and civilized.

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Pic courtesy of Wiki Commons.

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