With the sudden and shocking resignation of the latest in a long line of Christian champions of genocide, paedophilia and misogyny the Church has an opportunity to begin the long and tortuous process of the self criticism and healing. The Department of Religious Affairs and Other Weird Stuff of The Parkdale Liberation Front as put together a short list of possible replacements for the old fart:
1. The Littlest Hobo: we readily admit that choosing another German for the papacy is a long shot. However he is a shepherd and every flock needs an alert and courageous protector otherwise you get eaten by the wolves, unless of course you are already running with the wolves and then it’s sort of a culling process, you to the left, you to the right. However the Littlest Hobo has some serious credentials when it comes to saving people and ferreting out evil doers of which we are sure are plentiful in supply within the walls of the Vatican. Still a long shot.
2. Frodo Baggins: this stout of heart hobbit took on Sauron the Dark Lord in a fight to the death of good vs. evil. Despite having hairy feet this little fella might just have the moxie needed to clean up centuries of papal self entitlement and abuse. Even money.
3. Marg Delahunty, Princess Warrior: admittedly a woman as pope strains credibility when you consider that the papacy is a woman hating institution that has yet to emerge from the Dark Ages. We admire the Princess’s irreverent sense of humour. We believe that an institution that finds its jollies by burning people alive at the stake might find Marg just the breath of fresh oxygen it needs. Of course we need to be reminded that in the Middle Ages one of their Popes was a woman and when they found out she was tied to a horse’s tail and dragged through the streets and stoned until she was dead. Marg we think is a long, long shot.
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4. Finally there is everyone’s favourite giant, The Friendly Giant, currently retired. The thing is being a giant he’d have plenty of weight to throw around when it came to reigning in the trolls and neandrathals who currently run the church bureaucracy. As well there are the various cabals within the church who along with the Queen of England are intent on world domination. However The Friendly Giant isn't without allies. Rusty the chicken and Jerome the giraffe would pretty soon put things in order along the sin encrusted walls of the Vatican. A Five to One Favourite of ours.
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