Queen Victoria on Civic Politics in Toronto

You know there are so many shabby little men around. God knows and I’ve spoken to Him about this, the Empire was full of them. They were the ones who came after the explorers and adventurers and then the conquerors and then the sturdy honest brave men who stitched it all together. The shabby little men were creatures who existed and thrived in the moist cracks and in the dryness of old paper.

Nowadays we have to admit there are the shabby little women. They are all beneath contempt but you have them, there they are in great numbers, you have them. There they are like cockroaches or a bad smell. They are like dried feces. They are like a cesspool. Eventually something new and refreshing blows or washes it all away. You must show patience.

I asked God how is that we have so many of these shabby little men and women. God said, my dear, it is because we wish them upon ourselves. I asked God, why do we wish these shabby little men and women upon ourselves? (Not upon our royal self, please be assured.) God said, it is in our nature. I said to God, but we are made in your image. God declined to comment as you know a god, sorry God has been known to do.

But there, spoken from God, it is in your nature to inflict these shabby little men and women upon yourselves. There, from God. Not a whiff of Darwin.

Is there not a man or a woman amongst you with a grand vision? Are there not women and men who thirst for adventure? Are there not person of both sexes who aspire to endure great challenges, to conquer their fears? Where are the good sturdy people who dedicate themselves to the preservation of a good and decent civilization?

We shall not comment on the Irish this day. We have been apprised that there are Irishmen in Heaven. This is most distressing. I must take this up with Cleopatra who is a most annoying girl but very entertaining at cards. She maintains the most shining complexion and chides me that a dram of urine in the morning is absurd, but rather random intercourse with multiple partners of both sexes including angels is the secret to a fine complexion. She says I am irrelevant and sometimes I believe her.

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