Sunday, January 8, 2012

Ask a Twelve Year Old

TVFP, always on the lookout for new sources of wisdom, has been inspired by Porn Actress Samantha Ardente. She was reported in the Toronto Star as saying she only went ahead with her plan to start her own Adult film company after receiving the approval of her twelve year old daughter.

We know proudly present a new online help desk featuring our twelve year old niece Claudia entitled:

Ask A Twelve Year Old

Dear Claudia:  Recently I found my wife in bed with our neighbour’s German Sheppard. What should I do? AJ in Ajax

Dear AJ in Ajax;  It’s not unusual to sleep with dogs. My Mom and Dad often let Scamp our Cocker Spaniel sneak up into the bed. The only problem as I can see is that you get a lot of dog hairs if you’re not careful.

Dear Claudia: Recently we were camping with our children and I saw a woman up to her waist in the water. She was cradling a baby. I looked away and when I looked back the woman was coming out of the water, but the baby was nowhere to be seen. What should I do? Sally in the Soo

Dear Sally in the Soo: I go camping at the lake with my parents and brothers every summer. My little brothers sometimes try to gang up on me and try and dunk me in the water, but it doesn’t matter because we’re all having so much fun. Vacations are all about fun and you should try and have as much as you can.

Dear Claudia: We live downstream from an open pit mine. This fish are dying and my husband and children are sick all the time. According to officials the mine meets acceptable environmental standards. Ally in Alberta

Dear Ally: My Mom swears by ginseng. She buys raw ginseng in Chinatown. It comes in little beige slivers. Whenever we start to get sick she takes a teaspoon of the ginseng and steeps it in water. Then she adds a little sugar and lemon. We hardly ever get sick and Mom says the ginseng is a fraction of the cost of Cold FX which she says is just ginseng tarted up. Mom is English and so she says things like tarted up and bees knees, luv and of course never misses the Queen’s Christmas Message.


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