Sunday, January 1, 2012

MrUn Intergalactic Lifestyle Correspondent





TVFP continues to expand its coverage of local, national and world events. Now we are able to offer you the perspective of an intergalactic raconteur. We would like to welcome Mr. Unpronounceable Name from the Planet Unpronounceable Name as our new Intergalactic Lifestyle correspondent.

Mr Un currently resides in a distant quadrant which may or may not be the French Quarter of New Orleans. He is a frequent visitor to habitable planets in our little neck of the universe. He is ET at large for the Unpronounceable Name News Service, the UNS. He contributes travel, food and lifestyle columns. He is in earth terms about three thousand years old. He is humanoid in form, about six centimetres in height, white as Wonder Bread with black hair and black eyes.

TVFP posed several questions to our new and esteemed contributor:

TVFP:           Best restaurant in Parkdale?

MrUn:           Bacchus without a doubt. The vegetarian roti is heavenly.

TVFP:           Heavenly, what does that mean to you?

MrUn:           Nothing really. I pick up the lingo.

TVFP:           Meaning there is no God.

MrUn:            No, not in this universe.

TVFP:            Are you saying there is another reality where there is a God and a Heaven?

MrUn:            Sort of. I’m saying all your SciFi writers have pretty much got it right. You know
                      warp drive, folding space, weird looking creatures, phasers on stun, it’s all out
                      there.

TVFP             How do you get around?

MrUn             My slingshot.

TVFP             Seriously.

MrUn             Yes.

TVFP:            What do you do to relax?

MrUn:             I call it Cockroach Safari. I hang out in Chinatown or a similar place. I get a needle, crawl 
                       through a mouse hole and you know, hunt cockroaches. Me against them. Keeps me
                       young. Protein is nice too, a little soy sauce.

TVFP:             Do you have any advice for aspiring lifestyle writers.

MrUn             Yes. Editors are the scum of the universe. Believe in yourself and do your
                       Homework. For instance Truffade*.

TVFP             We’ve never heard of it.

MrUn             It’s the original poutine. The recipe is from Auvergne region of France. That is an
                      an area on the Lot River between Lyon and Toulouse. I reproduce it here for four.

1 kg potatoes
30 g unsalted butter
3 tbs oil
large pinch of salt
freshly ground pepper
150g Tomme fraiche de Cantal cheese, cut into thin slices
150g young Cantal cheese, cut into thin slices
2tbs parsely, finely chopped for garnish
3 large cloves of garlic

                      And basically you dice the taters, fry them and add the cheese. Just be careful not
                      to burn the garlic. Voila.

TVFP             Do you have any insights on the future of the earth?

MrUn            Yes. Humanity will survive, located in mostly in cool regions such as northern Canada and
                      Scandinavia. The outlook isn’t pretty, as you can imagine. But there it is. Nothing do be
                      done, except of course to manage, as best you can, the rather vicious but unavoidable
                      business of downsizing from around 14 billion to say a 100 million give or take.

TVFP             Is there truly nothing to be done?

MrUn             Other worlds have managed it using technology and cooperation, but really I don't think
                       that's in the cards for Earth. Do you?

TVFP            We like to think there's hope.

MrUn             Ah, well, you could put up an awning. It's been done but you would still have to reduce,
                      almost immediately, greenhouse emissions to pre-19th century levels.

TVFP            Will you be covering our demise?

MrUn            I think not. It’s rather a common occurrence around the various universes. There are a lot of
                      tribal carnivores out there.

TVFP            No hope, then?

MrUn            Well you will still exist as a species. Two hundred two hundred and fifty thousand
                      years down the road the CO2 levels get back to pre-industrial revolution levels
                      humanity may stage a comeback. You have to admit, that’s not bad.


Please visit my website:


for links to sample and  purchase my short stories on line.



* The Truffade recipe from Mourjou, The Life and Food of an Auvergne Village, by Peter Graham.

No comments:

Post a Comment